Should this garment become a Mask?

Last week I cleaned out the extra closet in my son's room. The closet where I keep my "fancy dresses." That same day, I watched the movie About Time where the adorable Rachel McAdams, who heretofore appeared to have no style whatsoever, tries on a bunch of adorable dresses she just happens to have around the house. 

I thought to myself, I should try on all my adorable dresses! I quickly realized that most of them would be better utilized as facemasks. 

Well...you be the judge...

First up is Calm Blue Ocean - I bought it for my friend Maureen's wedding back in 1996. Maureen is such a good friend she let me pick the bridesmaid's dresses! So I went to Lane Bryant and bought this adorable thing. The irony is that none of the other bridesmaids were plus sized so they were swimming in their dresses (the smallest size available was a 14) but I looked terrific. The exact opposite of every fat-girl bridesmaid story ever!

It is called Calm Blue Ocean because Mo was freaking out before the ceremony and so the other two bridesmaids and I wrote the words Calm, Blue, and Ocean on one of our bosoms and flashed her, just before we started down the aisle. She laughed all the way to the edge of the cliff! (That isn't a metaphor, she got married on the edge of a cliff.)

It was a really fun wedding...

Another wedding dress! I wasn't a bridesmaid in this one, but I bought it for my brother in law's wedding. I danced and danced in it an I loved the way it felt, but the way it looked was another story. There is a weird scarf-y thing hanging down.

Basically, the only way I am keeping this is if I need to play Cha Cha DiGregorio in grease...

My dear friend Lady C gave me this dress. It is far chestier than I am comfortable with, but I love the way it feels on me. We shall see..

This dress has a very full skirt and feels like it should be really fun to spin in. Sadly, as you can see from the picture, spinning gives me very little joy nowadays what with being old. Vertigo in older people is real!

I alway thing of Modern Family when I get old lady dizziness...

This dress was purchased for the Betsy Tacy Convention at Dress Barn in my Massachusetts city. Imagine my surprise when I went to my co-organizer's room to pick her up for the evening's activities to find her wearing THE SAME DRESS that she bought independently from me in Portland, Oregon! Unintentional twins! It was magnificent...

My sister bought me this gorgeous dress that was 2 sizes too small. I could squeeze into it if I wore Spanx - unlikely! - but I loved the color and the style. Well, after finally losing the baby-weight only 2 years into "the baby's" high school graduation, it fits fine! I don't know when I will every wear it, but I don't think I can bear to lose it!

This is another aspirational size from my sister, but it feels lovely to wear it and I have a ton of little black sweaters I could wear over top. WHY are so many of my dresses sleeveless? Did I think I was someday going to have Michelle Obama arms??

I believe this is the dress I wore when I interviewed for my job, lo these 17 years ago. It is uncomfortable, unflattering and uncomfortable. It ticks all the boxes to get rid of it. And yet, it looks kind of cute in the picture. Marie Kondo would just punch me in the face if we ever met...

I bought this dress when I was in Paris in 2015 with the high school trip. I was so thrilled to find a dress that fit me in the city of lights that I bought the damn thing. 

I have NO IDEA what the weird  front pouch thing is for. I may try to make it more normal with my handy dandy sewing maching. We shall see if I can fix the fashion faux pas of the French. 

Oh the irony!

High class 1980s real estate agent by day/nursing home piano bar hostess by night. 

There is a lot to unpack with this particular outfit. It is a lot, and I will NEVER wear it. I just need to learn to say goodbye...

Okay, I have to keep this one - it was my wedding dress! I paid $17 for it at Lane Bryant. And it still fits! Yes, I look like a Quiver-full matriarch on Easter Sunday, but you just don't cut up your wedding dress. No matter how lame...
































I was going to end with the wedding dress, but I thought I should put this on in. In the time between when I took these pictures and I wrote this post, I wore this bizarrely heavy little number with a warm shirt underneath as a "house dress" and I fell in love! The chestiness factor was mitigated by the pockets and swirly skirt. This little thrift store find is a keeper!*




















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