Should this garment become a Mask?

Last week I cleaned out the extra closet in my son's room. The closet where I keep my "fancy dresses." That same day, I watched the movie About Time where the adorable Rachel McAdams, who heretofore appeared to have no style whatsoever, tries on a bunch of adorable dresses she just happens to have around the house. 

I thought to myself, I should try on all my adorable dresses! I quickly realized that most of them would be better utilized as facemasks. 

Well...you be the judge...

First up is Calm Blue Ocean - I bought it for my friend Maureen's wedding back in 1996. Maureen is such a good friend she let me pick the bridesmaid's dresses! So I went to Lane Bryant and bought this adorable thing. The irony is that none of the other bridesmaids were plus sized so they were swimming in their dresses (the smallest size available was a 14) but I looked terrific. The exact opposite of every fat-girl bridesmaid story ever!

It is called Calm Blue Ocean because Mo was freaking out before the ceremony and so the other two bridesmaids and I wrote the words Calm, Blue, and Ocean on one of our bosoms and flashed her, just before we started down the aisle. She laughed all the way to the edge of the cliff! (That isn't a metaphor, she got married on the edge of a cliff.)

It was a really fun wedding...

Another wedding dress! I wasn't a bridesmaid in this one, but I bought it for my brother in law's wedding. I danced and danced in it an I loved the way it felt, but the way it looked was another story. There is a weird scarf-y thing hanging down.

Basically, the only way I am keeping this is if I need to play Cha Cha DiGregorio in grease...

My dear friend Lady C gave me this dress. It is far chestier than I am comfortable with, but I love the way it feels on me. We shall see..

This dress has a very full skirt and feels like it should be really fun to spin in. Sadly, as you can see from the picture, spinning gives me very little joy nowadays what with being old. Vertigo in older people is real!

I alway thing of Modern Family when I get old lady dizziness...

This dress was purchased for the Betsy Tacy Convention at Dress Barn in my Massachusetts city. Imagine my surprise when I went to my co-organizer's room to pick her up for the evening's activities to find her wearing THE SAME DRESS that she bought independently from me in Portland, Oregon! Unintentional twins! It was magnificent...

My sister bought me this gorgeous dress that was 2 sizes too small. I could squeeze into it if I wore Spanx - unlikely! - but I loved the color and the style. Well, after finally losing the baby-weight only 2 years into "the baby's" high school graduation, it fits fine! I don't know when I will every wear it, but I don't think I can bear to lose it!

This is another aspirational size from my sister, but it feels lovely to wear it and I have a ton of little black sweaters I could wear over top. WHY are so many of my dresses sleeveless? Did I think I was someday going to have Michelle Obama arms??

I believe this is the dress I wore when I interviewed for my job, lo these 17 years ago. It is uncomfortable, unflattering and uncomfortable. It ticks all the boxes to get rid of it. And yet, it looks kind of cute in the picture. Marie Kondo would just punch me in the face if we ever met...

I bought this dress when I was in Paris in 2015 with the high school trip. I was so thrilled to find a dress that fit me in the city of lights that I bought the damn thing. 

I have NO IDEA what the weird  front pouch thing is for. I may try to make it more normal with my handy dandy sewing maching. We shall see if I can fix the fashion faux pas of the French. 

Oh the irony!

High class 1980s real estate agent by day/nursing home piano bar hostess by night. 

There is a lot to unpack with this particular outfit. It is a lot, and I will NEVER wear it. I just need to learn to say goodbye...

Okay, I have to keep this one - it was my wedding dress! I paid $17 for it at Lane Bryant. And it still fits! Yes, I look like a Quiver-full matriarch on Easter Sunday, but you just don't cut up your wedding dress. No matter how lame...
































I was going to end with the wedding dress, but I thought I should put this on in. In the time between when I took these pictures and I wrote this post, I wore this bizarrely heavy little number with a warm shirt underneath as a "house dress" and I fell in love! The chestiness factor was mitigated by the pockets and swirly skirt. This little thrift store find is a keeper!*




















*

Not Quite a Year

[As I was going to start keeping track of my Covid-19 era experience, I found this, unposted, in my blog slop pile so I put it up and tried to reconstruct it from memory...]

Look at me posting TWICE in 262 days. How will I keep up the pace.
I am currently in the Gale Family Library at the Minnesota Historical Society waiting to read the correspondance of my favorite writer ever - Maud Hart Lovelace. 
So to kill the time while they torture me with a lack of resources I will do a little travel blogging.

Here is a wee picture of me leaving the house with my car packed to the gills. How I was going to fit another person and her various and sundries was a mystery to me. But I did. My partner - who I shall refer to by her (well earned) blogging name of Lady Chardonnay until I get permission to ID her - packed in an uncharacteristically understated manner and we were able to wedge her shit in the back seat and hit the road. In the pouring rain. It didn't bode well, but we persevered. 

Here are Lady C and I hitting the road with our faces full of hope and joy. It won't last... Just kidding! (But with the hindsight of being on day 4, I have to say we look waaaaaay to optimistic! 
Lady C has been building an amazing itinerary for our trip for weeks and she cross referenced all our overnights with the greatest sandwiches in each state in the US according to People Magazine. (And if you can't trust People...) We aren't hitting any this far east, but when we get to the wild west, watch out! 

I have pledged this trip to eat nothing from chain restaurants. Unless that chain is unavailable to me at home. (The need for this loophole will become very apparent shortly...) thought that I would help us on our quest to eat fantastic regional food by consulting roadfood.com. They have reviews of local places conveniently mapped out. They had raved about Phil's Chicken House so we decided to try Phil. His chicken was excellent, but his mashed potatoes were meh. And I am very forgiving about mashed potatoes. But they had the best banana cream pie I have ever tasted. Sorry mom!




Our first nights lodgings were in Bradford, PA - we covered a little over 500 miles and were feeling pretty accomplished. We decided to celebrate with a trip to the Zippo Lighter Museum. 
I tried to help out some soldiers at the museum, told them of the dangers of smoking. They were unmoved. I bought a Zippo with Rosie the Riveter on it. It sounds just like the one my dad used to have!
Then we were off to Nancy's house. She was a wonderful hostess. Her house is adorable with built-in bookcases, full of great books, just like any Betsy Tacy friend I have ever had. 
You will just have to imagine what it looks like though because I am not great at remember to take pictures...

Here is one, though! We went to Beefeaters for dinner which is in a former Carnegie Library! The food was amazing and I had BEEF for dinner. At this point I should just change my name to the Beefeater. It is becoming problematic. Alas...the road...
We had a lovely dinner and I spent night one on the couch. I am not a fussy sleeper as a rule and Nancy's couch was a double-wide and so comfy, it felt bed-like. 

The next day we hit the road for Chi-town, the windy city. In my house we always say it that way. Because we're annoying. 
As we drove by my parents' neck of the woods west of Cleveland, Lady C said, "I can't believe you are not going to stop and see your mom." I said, "I'll call her and tell her I'm in town. She won't care, my sister is visiting, she's got plenty of family around." So I called her and she said (in a wee little voice), "Oooh, you're so close..." So I pulled off the highway and had a potty break at her place. She told me when I showed up, "If you hadn't stopped here, you'd be in big trouble!" So, good thing, I guess...

We stopped near Toledo for lunch with my step-brother Don and his awesome wife Jill and they fed us like crazy. We had a grand time, so much so that I neglected to take a picture.
Next up - Chicago!

Lady C was staying with another Betsy Tacy friend and I was going to my favorite destination - Mandi and Pete's.
I dropped Lady C off at the library where Shelley works and took a snap of this quote that is exactly my philosophy of
"morals" in books for children. (Which is basically, you'd better not let me catch you putting in a moral...)

This was my first Culver's sighting, always worth remembering! It was on my way from the library where I dropped Lady C off, to Mandi and Pete's.

Of course Mandi and Pete fed me like I was going to the chair!

I loved this magnet on Mandi's fridge. Don't know why I don't call it Pete's fridge. I just don't...

This is one of their babies, I don't remember his or her name, but a lovely canine friend. 

We met these charming ladies at The Seven Dwarfs Family Restaurant in Wheaton. So delicious and so much fun!












More Culvers, but mostly my cute nails. At this point I stopped putting Culvers pictures in because if I documented every chocolate concrete, it would just be embarrassing. 
















We finally got to the holy land - Minnesota! We met Lady C's brother and his lovely wife and had several cocktails and a lovely dinner. 













I eventually spent a ton of time at the Gale Library at the Minnesota Historical Society. But you will have to read my memoir to get that interesting dirt!

Hey Ho Way to Go Ohio...

I'm back on the road.

Currently I am at a rest stop in well according to my phone my location is "parked car near I-80 180 feet away." I'm 20 miles outside of Toledo on my way to Owosso and one of the best people in the world - my cousin Sharon.

My end point is the Betsy Tacy Convention in Minneapolis, but really, the point is the trip, right? I have decided my challenge this trip is to dip my feet into all of the Great Lakes. I had planned to "swim" in them until I felt the temperature of Lake Ontario on Thursday.
Yeah, that's not going to happen...

In the interest of well, I guess not having to proofread my dreadful typing, I have made a video blog or a "vlog" in the super-modern parlance of the day. I don't know if I will keep this up as it involves an entirely new type of editing at which I do NOT excel. But for now you can view my handiwork below.

If you are a Betsy Tacy fan and are only watching this for what is sure to be a slightly disappointing reveal at the end. You can skip to the 6:30 mark. Also, if you are watching the whole thing, there is a bit of a pause at the beginning that could have been avoided with the aforementioned editing skills but we covered this. Just keep your expectations fairly low.

The Barbie Award Goes To...

I had every intention of doing in depth, brilliant reviews of every film I saw over vacation, but there is much television to watch and I have to go back to work tomorrow so... Of the 7 movies I saw over vacation:

• LADYBIRD
• THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI
• I, TONYA
• THE SHAPE OF WATER
• DARKEST HOUR
• ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD
• STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI

I have chosen my favorite. I have links to the ones I have reviewed already and will add the one to LADYBIRD when I get around to writing it. The world will need to continue to spin without me revealing what I thought of the last two on the list. They were all great - but plenty has been written about them because of Ridley Scott excising Kevin Spacey from ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD and replacing him with Christopher Plummer and because STARWARS is, well STARWARS.

Okay - geeze, don't start whining - here are my thumbnail reviews.

AtMitW - Michelle Williams is unbelievable, Charlie Plummer is heartbreaking and Christopher Plummer clearly is some sort of mega-human. And I got to see Mark from BROADCHURCH (Andrew Buchan) as a loving dad/junkie wreck - quit making me sad Andrew Buchan. Make a romantic comedy for heaven's sake, let a girl just enjoy your face without knowing how tortured you are! The story was a bit long, but it had me wikipedia-ing the story for an hour after, so clearly, I didn't want to let go it it.

SW:TLJ - In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit I slept through most of the middle of this movie. I can't help it. Flying through space and shit blowing up makes me snooze in self defense. But I went to the bathroom, looked at a recap and caught up for the excellent ending. My favorite part was the Cantina/Casino and those giant bunny/horse thingies and, of course, Benicio del Toro and his speech impediment. And yes, I cried at the end when Rey and Ren talk about her parents. Because I am not made of stone.

And now to the business at hand...

I'm not going to make you wait for it. THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI beat the competition by a hair. I have to say that LADYBIRD gave me a bit more of the feels and was better constructed, but for me, movies are all about performance. While LADYBIRD's performances were flawless - so were THREE BILLBOARDS. And BILLBOARDS had more of them.

Frances McDormand, Sam Rockwell and Woody Harrelson get major billing - richly earned. I have loved McDormand and Rockwell in every single thing I have seen them in EVER. I am not ashamed that my favorite McDormand performance is in RAISING ARIZONA (Gotta have his dip-tets!) and Rockwell will always be Guy (What's my last name???) from GALAXY QUEST. Harrelson is excellent often (ZOMBIELAND and TRUE DETECTIVE most recently) although he doesn't have one performance that I love above all others.

All three of them are tremendous.

McDormand is steel. She plays blue collar Mildred whose daughter has been murdered. She knows she wasn't a great mamma to her little girl when she was alive. A heartbreaking flashback of her last conversation with her daughter and her treatment of her surviving son show that she is often, with her children and the world at large, far more interested in scoring points than understanding others' perspectives. And she takes no prisoners when she demands that the local police keep the heat on the investigation of her daughter's murder.

Rockwell looks like he is going to be the goofy sidekick. He seems an unredeemable buffoon, but as the story unwinds, he shows us his soft white underbelly. And a little shout-out here to Sandy Martin who plays his Mama - she has been acting since the year I was born - how have I never seen her before? Rockwell has a slack-jawed look and an ineffectual sneer that do a lot of heavy lifting in an otherwise nuanced performance.

I can't say much about Harrelson. He is the moral compass of the movie until he isn't. Or is he? His best day ever is a montage of great parenting, a loving marriage and a stunning choice. Damn, Wood, way to bring it.

But then you have the secondary characters. Lucas Hedges, Peter Dinklage, Caleb Landry Jones and John Hawkes are all in this movie too - an embarrassment of riches!

What the heck, Lucas Hedges? Is is your job to break my heart every Christmas vacation? Last year I met him in MANCHESTER BY THE SEA and I'm not bragging, but he was in my town to film that. As a matter of fact, I was at Rite Aid right across the street from the funeral parlor where he was shooting a scene. So we are practically acquaintances. He was in both LADYBIRD and THREE BILLBOARDS which I saw back to back. The combined impact of his two performances was enough to rattle my teeth. This kid has talent. He is still kind of lumpy and teenaged,  but I can not wait to see how he evolves as an actor. He played similar grieving kids in MbtS and 3B - but they were definitely two different guys. More on his LADYBIRD performance when I get around to that one.

I have loved Peter Dinklage since THE STATION AGENT and his Tyrion Lannister has only made me love him more. He is a bit of a sad sack in this movie, but not as closed off as in TSA. He is kind of a pit of need, but a sexy, self-aware, stalwartly dependable pit of need. And his jawline is magnificent, both aesthetically, and as a way of showing the tension his character has to deal with in his small town life every day.

I knew Caleb Landry Jones had recently freaked me out in a movie lately and it took IMDB-ing this film to remind me where I had seen him. He was the asshat brother in GET OUT which I watched three times in two days this fall. His performance here was strong, but what really got me was the fact that I couldn't ID where I'd seen him previously. Part of that could be my menopause brain, but part of that could be his having a face that essentially looks the same all the time, as faces do, but at the same time being unrecognizable from role to role. I call this the Jessica Chasten effect. I saw her in THE HELP and THE DEBT on the same day and looked her up twice because I couldn't believe it was her in both roles.

And finally John Hawkes. He makes me feel funny inside. From Uncle Teardrop in WINTER'S BONE to the creepy cult leader in MARTHA MARCY MAY MARLENE the the thankfully not terrifying Mark in THE SESSIONS (an iron lung has never looked sexier) - he has a charisma that just can not be ignored. As Mildred's mercurial ex, he has a Just-for-Men dyed head of hair that could stop a bullet, a 19 year old girlfriend who smells like poop (don't blame me, it's in the script), a mean streak and a right hook that comes out of nowhere. It's a small role, but it packs a punch.



So even though I think that LADYBIRD is a better movie - this is the movie that I most enjoyed - well maybe "enjoyed" is not the right word, but I couldn't look away, I didn't want to at any point.  So I will just call it my best moviegoing experience of vacation week.

THE SHAPE OF WATER - Silence is Golden

I knew I would find THE SHAPE OF WATER interesting. I knew it would be visually arresting. I didn't expect it to pack such an emotional punch!

The story is the same old thing - girl meets fish/man, girl falls in love with fish/man, girls joins forces with Communist spy to rescue fish/man, girl floods bathroom to have standing up sex with fish/man... You know the drill.

The film has an interesting cast - it features three of my all time favorite male character actors and two highly regarded female actors that I tend to underestimate - and they all brought it HARD!

First off is Sally Hawkins. I had only previously seen her in HAPPY-GO-LUCKY which I thought was great, although I found her a little irritating. My expectations were meh. But without a word -except for one glorious fantasy sequence - she gradually lets you into the incredibly rich inner life of Elisa Esposito - a mute cleaning lady at a government facility. I'm sorry I doubted you, Sally.

The other apology goes to Octavia Spencer. The camera loves this woman. In every movie in which I have seen her, she has been a no nonsense, truth telling presence and I kind of considered that her schtick. Here, there is more of the same - but the fact that she does this often doesn't mean that she doesn't do it perfectly. Her running monologue when she and the Hawkins character go about their daily cleaning tasks is truthful and illuminating. She doesn't talk to hear the sound of her own voice. She is clearly having a conversation, despite the fact that her partner is non-verbal.

Michael Stuhlbarg is always interesting. Okay, I've only seen him in MEN IN BLACK 3 and A SERIOUS MAN, but he was hella interesting in both. Here he speaks two languages and communicates awkwardly in both. His character charmed me for most of the movie and disappointed me at the end, but Stuhlbarg was a master throughout.

Michael Shannon's style of communication is just the worst. I am seriously conflicted about Michael Shannon. He creeped me out the minute he appeared on screen in REVOLUTIONARY ROAD and cemented his stuff-of-nightmares-ness in BOARDWALK EMPIRE. He didn't do me any favors in this film either. His style of communication is offensive in its brusqueness. His casual racism, his self-aggrandizement and his bathroom habits are just gross. And yet, he is fantastic. I would have thought that the girl-on-fish/man action late in the movie would have been the most uncomfortable sex scene I would see that day, but honestly - it was delicately done and beautiful. Shannon and his wife have missionary-style suburban daytime sex and it is just icky. Who'd have thunk?

Richard Jenkins never disappoints. He plays a closeted, musical-loving sixty-ish gentleman who communicates beautifully with Elisa but awkwardly with everyone else. He is a painter who has had drinking issues and a lot of cats. He is also a man of integrity who can be counted on to do the right thing as much as he can. His timid vanity and his stalwart heart are just spectacular.




This is a strange, beautiful movie that has a lot of layers. Go see it.

THE DARKEST HOUR - Communication Makes it Happen

The final project for my film class at the high school is to find three movies and develop an essential question or theses and answer or argue it based on the students' interpretation of the movies. I tell the kids that they can choose any three movies in the world and I will find a way to connect them. It is my superpower.

My Wednesday movies were easy - LADYBIRD, 3 BILLBOARDS and I, TONYA were all colored in broad strokes by motherhood. Yesterday's movies were THE SHAPE OF WATER and DARKEST HOUR were both conflict movies, both set mid 20th century and both beautifully shot. Seriously, my eyes sent me a thank you note for letting them feast on the cinematography. But the theme that jumped out at me on the drive home was that of communication.

THE DARKEST HOUR is the story of Winston Churchill's first month as prime minister, culminating in the "We shall fight on the beaches" speech to Parliament that basically cemented the stiff upper lips of the population of Britain with regard to fighting the Axis.  The last line of the movie is "He just mobilized the English language and sent it into battle." I think Viscount Halifax said it in the movie, although in real life it is attributed to Edward R. Murrow (and gently plagiarized by JFK when he granted Churchill honorary American citizenship). Either way, it is the crux of the movie and sums up the power of Churchill's words.

The performances are splendid - Kristin Scott Thomas and Lily James are softly supportive as Churchill's wife and secretary. Ronald Pickup and Stephan Dillane are snooty and dismissive (and yet always one step behind) as Chamberlain and Halifax. Ben Mendelsohn plays George IV as conflicted and smart and it took me visiting IMDB 10 seconds ago to realize that he was Danny Rayburn from BLOODLINE. Good grief - he's a chameleon! David Strathairn plays FDR in one short phone conversation. I totally ID-ed him. So proud.

But there is only one *star* in this movie. According to the internet, Churchill is played by Gary Oldman, but I don't see it. That was Winston Churchill up there on the screen. According to Vanity Fair it took 4 hours a day to get Oldman in make-up and fat suit but he acts through the layers and layers of artifice to great effect. I finally forgave him for his carelessness in the Ministry of Magic (Sirious-ly, killed by a doorway? WTF, Black...)

I loved many of Oldman's performances in the past, starting with PRICK UP YOUR EARS (which I described to Alfred Molina when I met him in London - okay, asked for his autograph after a play, still counts! - as "The feel-good movie of the year." Yep, I cracked Alfred Molina up.) and SID AND NANCY, but other than the Harry Potters, he had lately fallen off my radar. But dang, he's still got it.

His performance is the lynchpin upon which the whole thing is constructed, but it is the power of Churchill's mastery of language that, well, saved the world. There is a scene (apocryphal) where he slips out of his car and takes the underground to Westminster and takes the pulse of a carload of Londoners regarding trying to negotiate a peace with Hitler. At one point he begins quoting something (St. Crispin's Day, maybe) and a young working-class man on the train finishes it for him and they exchange a look that says that they are brothers who will fight to the death together.  Yes it was manipulative, and yet - it worked.

I, TONYA - Where the Hits Just Keep On Coming...

Yesterday I spent the day at Kendall Square Cinema. It was magic.

You know you've had a good day at the movies when I, TONYA is the worst movie you saw. Because it is a freaking miracle on ice. It was SO GOOD. Margot Robbie is a dream. I went with my friends the Chardonnay family. When she first showed up on screen, my goddaughter Mimosa said, “Well, she's no Charlize Theron in MONSTER..." Which is accurate. She didn't ugly-up for this role. But the difference in her appearance between young Tonya and present-day Tonya is striking.

Her slightly thickened neck is the best bit of neck acting since Jessica Chastain screamed at Coach Taylor  in ZERO DARK THIRTY.

She is pure Tonya, though. And this movie gave layers to a story everybody thought they knew. Well, I didn't know, I had a new baby and wasn't paying attention. I didn't care about figure skating. But I care now! The cinematography in the skating scenes had me breathing heavy. Not in a creepy way, but because it felt so immediate. The scene where Tonya lands the first triple-Lindy or whatever it's called was the greatest moment of sports triumph I have ever seen on screen.

There were some tremendous supporting players, too. Allison Janney is getting a lot of press, but saying Allison Janney deserves an Oscar is like saying Allison Janney breathes oxygen. She should be rewarded just for getting out of bed in the morning. The scene in JUNO when she snaps at the ultrasound tech makes me burst into tears every time.

Who the heck is Julianne Nicholson? I know her face and she has been in a ton of shows I have probably half-watched on TV, but I couldn't have pulled her out of a lineup before this movie. She gave an extraordinarily restrained performance in a movie where virtually no one else had any restraint at all. She was magnificent.

Sebastian Stan was Bucky Barnes! Again, I had a vague feeling that I had seen him before, but couldn't have said where. He played Jeff Gillooly who was a very complex character in spite of being essentially a dull-witted goof. He played sweet at the beginning of the Jeff/Tonya relationship – so much so that the first time he slammed her face made me rear back in my seat. And the calm, almost anesthetized manner of modern-day Jeff was an entirely different animal. Just so good.

SO FREAKING PUNCHABLE!!!

About two thirds of the way through the movie I just started muttering “Punch his face. Punch his stupid face.” I am a pacifist! I don't condone face punching. And yet Paul Walter Hauser as Shaun Eckhardt had the most punchable face in the history of faces. His blank stare and complete inalienable belief in his own completely fictitious achievements worked so beautifully that, well, were he to have appeared before me, I would have punched first and asked questions later. Probably questions like, “Are you going to sue me because I clearly don't know the difference between actors and characters or how movies entirely work?” He was splendid, too.

I was going to review all three of the movies I saw yesterday in one shot, but I think if I do that it will be too obvious how often I rely on the word “marvelous” when I am impressed with performances. So I am going to go have a refreshing beverage and watch either season one of MASTERS OF SEX or SAVING MR. BANKS. I hear the plots are essentially identical.

Next up THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI and LADYBIRD.